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A REAL MYSTERY AND AN UNREAL MATH?

THE MYSTERY DIPS.

And deep suspicions darken.
One trail leads where Jaswant Singh's ignoble spy which is a contradiction of terms because it is the vritti dharma of a spy to enjoy spying and double crossing and double dealing, so it does not lead to the ignoble spy so much as be let down as where the spy never took a lead.

Which is more like the lead pencil that Manmohan Mouse never used to write his own boring speech.

It was done by bigger bores, call them British if you wish but the mores of the bores?
NAH. SAY NO MORE.

Now, we can rope in the rip off lie that is spread in the local rag about PERELMAN.

Anyone without a Pearl of Wisdom in the Pearl City would rightaway spot that for what it is.

A PUT ON RUBBER BAND THAT CAN'T BE PUT ON A DOUGHDUT.

DOUBT THAT, AS FEYNMAN FEIGNED FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY: 'ARE YOU..........'

But, be that as it may, as the pikka saheb would not be so bold as to say in Pikka English, butting in the beginning of a sentence that has no let up, from being a sentence suspended beyond the basics of SUSPENSION OF BELIEFS AND SUSPENDERS INTO DISBELIEFS, OR BRIEFS BROUGHT IN THE BABUS OR COLONIAL CLERKS IN COLONIAL OFFICES, BUT, BE THAT IT MAY, AS THEY NEARLY DON'T SAY, with their stiff upper lippers in zippers, Feynman could be roped in to try his spy busting skills to tell us who JASWANT WAS THANKING LAST IN HIS MEMOIRS CALLED: CALL TO HONOUR.

SO THE CALL OF HONOURS WON'T FALL OFF FEYNMAN FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY, WATER OFF A DUCKBACK RAINCOAT THAT HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY CARRY, BUT, BE THAT AS IT MAY, he could perhaps tell us who or what K. stands for?

Eh?

While Feynman is faint with the foreign assignment and that too the chic thought of having a propah INDIAN SUMMER, as a part and parcel of earning his wages, while he should be really working on, which he has already been told, or rather asked, eagerly asked, not by a garrulous garrison engineer deputed to duty at the DEPARTMENT OF ATOMIC ENERGY, nor even with a gaellic shrug but gallantly asked, yes asked, by one great to a not so great? but, that as it mayn't in the best traditions of egalite let us say, he could have said what he wasn't working on, if only he was less garrulous in the belief that the gab is a gift or rather as the gupchup gourmet would have put it to the gupshup gourmand with more command than demand over govenrment funds, 'ARE YOU..........?'

CHUPKE? CHUPKE?

CHUP! CHUP!
CHUM! CHUM!
MUM'S THE WORD.
MUMMERS.

SO IF ONLY RICHARD FEYNMAN PUT HIS WORK WHERE HIS MOUTH WAS GOING ON NINETEEN TO DOZENS HE WOULD HAVE DISCOVERED THE DIRTY DOZEN BY NOW.

So while he works out what the K. stands for in JASWANT SINGH'S THANKATOLOGY, NO THANKS, FOR IT IS A JOB WITH NO THANKS, AND NO THANKA YES, AND NOT EVEN A THANGKA PANEL PAINTED IN SERIAL PANORAMA, WHILE MUSSOLINI SEPOY KA BETI RUNS OFF WITH THE LEGEND OF RAMA IN ALL THE PANELS PAINTED IN INDIA AND NEVER RUNS BACK TO ITALY, SHOESHAPED ITALY, FROM WHERE SHE COME, TO CORNER THIS NATION AND NEVER SAYS WHERE THE KRONER WENT NOR LETS THE CONGRESS COMPRESSED COMPROMISED PARTY OF INDIA EVER USE THE STATE MACHINERY TO BRING IT BACK FROM THE THUNDRA WHERE IT WILL FRY INTO AN FLUFFY OMLETTE FIRST BEFORE WE GET TO THE EGGHEAD AND MAKE A TEMPERA PASTE TO PAINT INDIA INTO A CORNER, WITH ITALIAN RESTORATION OF ARTS COURSE, DONE LIKE A CRASH, YES A CRASH COURSE, FROM WHICH THINGS CAN ONLY CRASH AND NOT COURSE ALONG LIKE TAO, WHICH CAME FROM DAO WHICH CAME FROM DHAU OR THE WATERWAYS OR THE WAYS OF THE WATERS OR THE PATH, WHICH IS THE WAY THE PATH FINDS ITS OWN PATH TO THE PATHFINDERS WITHOUT PAYING MICHEL FOUCAULT A PENDULUM OF DING DONG, WHICH IS NOT A PUN IN MENSONGE MIND YOU, BUT THINGS LIKE WATERWAYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN WORKING MUCH BETTER BY NOW THAN THEY ARE FLOODING AND DROUGHTING DESPITE ALL THOSE PLANNING COMMISSIONS THAT CAME BEFORE MONTY ALOO BECAME THE MOUNTED SPECIMEN OF THE BANK AND THE FUND COMBO CONSPIRACY AND ALL THE FIVE YEAR PLANS THAT ARE FIFTEEN YEARS BEHIND AND THIRTY YEARS IN THE MAKING BY WHICH TIME EVEN RICHARD FEYNMAN WOULD HAVE DONE A BIT OF WORK TO WORK OUT THAT IT AIN'T GONNA WORK!

NOT LIKE WORK.

REAL WORK.

So gift of the gab, is NOT THE GAP DRESSMATERIAL, or haberdashers pin cushion but a puppy, a punjabi upwardly mobile yapdog can't find the key to that and so makes do with what the dogdaysarebackagain bring back along with their doggy bags for leftvoers or remains of the days. DOGGED DAYS, BACK TO DOGGED WAYS.

But say what you will about wogs, the tales don't wog the dogs, and the dogs write tales for the wogs and the nations will be stuck in bogs while their literature is all but bog reads.

So the clue to why THE WASP INDUSTRY FAILED TO SPOT THE POKHRAN BLASTS IS THERE IN THE K. THAT JASWANT SINGH THANKS LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST.

JUST LIKE THE BUDDHA LAUGHS THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST, EH?

But, be that as it may, as the pikka sahebs find their pickled paths to PATHAK'S PICKLES packaged into PIKKA ENGLISH PASTICHE, which did not pickle nor even pick a fraction of THE FABLED PV NARASIMHA RAO'S TELANGANA BRILLIANCE AT ALL, nor even pick a whiff of it, way back then, not even by Pikka English cut and paste jobbers who will or would have been out of jobs for having so pasty an outlook on the past, and yes but for the dole they could have been queuing up at, who would have thought, in their wildest imaginations, that one day we will say: HEY!

WHAT'S YOUR PAST?
Pssssssssssssssssssssst!

Yes, here's the apperetifs.
STARTERS AS THEY SAY.

AND THE MYSTERY DIPS.

HAVE YOUR CRUDITES!

ENJOY! ENJOY!
ENJOIN THE GREAT ESCAPADE.

CAN YOU FIND THE CODE TO K.?

AND HELP RICHARD FEYNMAN?

A WEEK FROM TODAY, the PRIME MINISTER UNELECT OF INDIA will be meeting with the INDIAN SCIENTISTS IN SECRET PARLAYS.

AND THAT IS WHAT POLITICS IS REDUCED TO.

PACKAGED PERSON THREATS BLACKMAILS AND CAJOLES.

NOTHING PUBLIC ABOUT IT!

WHILE EVERY PRIVACY IS INVADED AND EVERY PRIVELEGE IS PARSED AND PARSLEY AND SAGE HAVE A THYME OUT WITH ROSEMARY IN SCARBOROUGH FAIR?

IS THAT FAIR?

THAT IS THE QUESTION THAT MUST BE FACED: SQUARE.

IN THE PARLIAMENT SQUARE, UNDER THE MAHATMA STATUE SITTING ZAZEN LET THE PRIME MINISTER STAND AND TALK TO THE SCIENTISTS IN FULL PUBLIC GLARE AND ZEN WE SHALL SEE!

HOW EARNEST AND HONEST HE IS.

NOT CERTIFICATES ISSED ABOUT HIS SO CALLED IMPECCABILITY AND INVINCIBILITY WHICH ARE ALL TOO SELF-CERTIFIED AND ALL TOO SELF-SATISFIED TO SATISFY HIS SELF SELF AND SELFISH SELF!

AS FOR HER SHE HASN'T CHANGED THE SHAPE OF HER SHOES FOR DONKEY'S YEARS AND COMING FROM SHOEMAKING COUNTRY THAT IS SHOESHAPED SHE IS NOT WHAT SHE SAYS SHE IS SO THERE IT IS.

MUSSOLINI KA SEPOY KA BETI.

WHERE SHE EVER WAS.

AND NOTHING WILL MOVE NOT EVEN A MILLIM IN A MILLENEUM.

STATUS QUO.

THE STUCK HOUR SHOWING NEEDLE BEHIND THE MINUTES IS WHAT THE MINUTIAE IS ALL ABOUT WHEN INDIANS SAY:

BAAARA BAJE!

SO GHANTI BAJAO, YA GANDHI KA SUBHNAAM BACHAO OR GUDDI TO GORI GOONGI GUDIYA IT IS ONE GORA GORI GHOST WRITTEN BY THE GUT WRATH WRITERS GORY STORY FROM WHICH THE ONLY FAMILY THAT WILL RULE OVER INDIA IS THE FAUX GANDHI FAMILY DOUBLE BARRELED WITH THE FAUX LAST EUROPEAN NEHRU TO MAKE IT TO: NEHRU-GANDHI DYNASTY IN A DEMOCRACY!

IF THAT ISN'T CRAZY WHAT IS?

WELL MAYBE ENGLISH MUSTARD!

FEYNMAN ARE YOU FAMISHED?
HAVE SOME ENGLISH MUSTARD.

BUT WITHOUT THE FREE PORK WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO POUR IT ON?

NOT TINNED TUNA OR A PIKKA PATE?

TOUCHE.

**************
SO HERE'S ONE DECODED MYSTERY.

PERELMAN NEVER PUT THE PAPER ON THE INTERNET AND BECAME SO SCARCE AS TO BE CALLED PASSE EN PASSANT.

NO 'DIL PASSAND' IS A DISH YOU CAN RELISH, BUT GRISHA IS NOT THAT PERELMAN.

LIKE GUY WHO WAS BROUGHT IN BY AUNTY BEEB TO EXPATIATE ON SOMETHING THAT THE OTHER GUY DID, THIS PERELMAN WAS NOT THAT PERELMAN.

THE PROBLEM WITH CONVERTED CHRISTIANS FROM EUROPEAN TRIBALISM ON TRIUMPHALISM IS JUST THAT: THEY CAN'T TELL THE JEWS FROM JEWS.

AND THE JEWISH TRIBES ARE DIFFERENT, EUROPEAN JEWS ARE NOT MIDDLE EASTERNS AND THEY MUSTN'T BE STUFFED LIKE SARDINES OR TINNED TUNA INTO THE MIDDLE EAST.

AND RUSSIAN JEWS ARE EVEN MORE DIFFERENT SO THE PROBLEM WITH PERELMAN IS THAT GRISHA PLAYS WITH THE CAT NOT SHROEDINGER'S CAT BUT ANOTHER CAT WHILE YAKOV DOES THE MATH AND ONLY MATHEMATHICS CAN BE FUN!

SO THERE!
POINCARE OR ANOTHER FROGGY GOT HIS BRILLIANT FLASHES OF INSIGHTS WHILE HE JUMPED OFF A BUS OR A TRAM OR SOME SUCH THING AND THE REST AS THEY SAY IS LOST ON WHAT HE DID NOT JOT DOWN ON THE BUS TICKET OR AS THEY FROGGY WOULD SAY: HEY WHERE IS YOUR BILLET?

OR WORDS NOT TO THAT EFFECT.

THE NEW YORK TIMES WENT IN FOR A YORKER.

AND INDIA MUST GO IN FOR A DE-YOKER!

OR WE WILL END UP CHOKERS ON THE FISH BAIT THE B-TEAM OF BILL AND BUSH STICK AS A HOOK INTO OUR GULLIBLE GULLETS AND HEIMLICH MANOUVRE HAS ALREADY BEEN BANNED SO.............

THERE WE GO.

OR RATHER THERE WE DON'T GO!

AND THEY CAN GO BACK AND FORTH STRIKING DEALS BETWEEN B-TEAM TO B-TEAM IN BORING B-BOAT ROWING WHERE BILL CLINTON MAKES A DEAL WITH BUSH DUBYA THAT HE WILL DROP AL GORE DOWN THE GULLIBLE GULLET WHILE THE GUTTER PRESS DO THE REST OF THEIR RABID BEST WITH THE RABBITS HE WILL PULL OUT WHEN WIFEY WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT THE SAME OLE HOUSE.

SO BORN AGAIN IS MORE THAN CATCHPHRASE.

IT IS CATCHING THE COLD OF THE COLD WAR AND THERE IS NO GETTING AWAY FROM THE BUSHIES AND THE BILL CLINTONSINS WARS WHICH WILL GO ON FOREVER AND A DIE!

CARPE DIEM.
THEY WILL CARP AND THEY WILL SEIZE THE DAY BUT NEVER SEIZE THE IMAGINATION FROM THEIR SIEGE MENTALITIES.

AND RICHARD FEYNMAN CAN PUT HIS SO CALLED GIFT OF THE GAB TO THE GABLE TO TELL US HOW THE U.S. FETTERS FREEDOMS.

AND YES IF ANONMYOUS WROTE PRIMARY COLORS WHO WROTE JASWANT SINGH'S MEMOIRS FULL OF YIDDISH EH?

AND WHAT DOES K. STAND FOR IN YIDDISH.
NOW THAT IS THE CLUE TO WHY AMERICA MISSED THE POKHRAN BLASTS WHICH IS AS SPECIFIC AS IT CAN GET TO SPECS.
*************

AS FOR THE AMDANI BILL IT IS A RELIEF THE MOSLEM PREZ OF INDIA DID SIGN IT BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO MAKE IT A JINXED PRESIDENCY EVERYTIME A MOSLEM STEPPED IN THAT ONE WOULD BE BUMPED OFF, LIKE ZAKIR HUSSAIN WAS AND LIKE FAKRUDDIN ALI AHMED WAS, SO DESPITE THE BJP'S BEST EFFORTS TO DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN DIVISIVE POLITICS HE DID SIGN THEIR SHAME INTO SIGNATURE TUNE OF SOMNATH SO THEY COULD ALL STAY AND MAKE THEIR AMDANIS WHILE THE NATION HAVING LOCKED UP THE WORST THUGS AND THEIVES INTO PARLIAMENT CAN HAVE THE FREEDOM OF NOT HAVING SIXTY OF THEM STALKING AND STAKING THEIR CLAIMS ON THE STREETS OF INDIA WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY DISASTROUS!

SO UNLIKE THE WESTPHALIAN SYSTEM WHICH IS A TOTAL FAILURE, WE IN INDIA DON'T EVEN DO THE FRENCH LEAVE NOR GO AND STORM THE BASTILLE, WE SIMPLY LOCK THEM ALL UP AS LEGISLATORS TO PUSH THROUGH PIECES OF LEGIS THAT LACK LEGITIMACY AND GIVE THEM PAY HIKES EVERY QUARTER SO THEY CAN STUFF THEMSELVES INTO SARKARI SCROUNGING IN GOVERNMENT QUARTERS AND THE WORST THUGS AND THIEVES WE STICK THEM INTO PARLIAMENT TO PUSH THROUGH EVEN MORE PIECES OF LEGIS THAT DON'T A LEGIT OF WORK AND HEY WHO SAYS INDIA DOESN'T WORK!

IN THE WORDS OF FAWNING INDOLOGIST, NOW WHAT'S HIS FACE, THE POP ECON POPPA THAT DIED RECENTLY, OH YES, GALBRAITH OF THE AFFLUENZA INFAMY OR WAS THAT THE WEALTH OF NATIONS, NEVER MIND THAT ONE, IN HIS WORDS, 'INDIA IS FUNCTIONAL ANARCHY'.

CAN WE ASK FOR LESS?

NO.

SO IN OUR PARAMPARA WE HAVE THE HIGHWAY THUGGIES WHO COME WITH THEIR BAGGIES AND LOOT THE HIGHWAY PASSERSBY AND THEN PASS THEIR TIME IN PARLIAMENT OF INDIA.

AND SAFELY LOCKED AWAY THEY CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO ESCAPE CAN THEY?

NOT IF THEY CAN'T PUSH THEIR PIECES OF LEGIS TO PLEASE THE ONE WHO LANDS A PERCH!

AHA!

IT IS ALSO CALLED:

FISHING EXPEDITION.

NOW FEYNMAN, QUIT FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS AND COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS TO FOOD COURTS AT THE INDIA HABITAT AND GET SOME WORK DONE.

ACTUAL WORK. ACTUALLY.
NOT ACT, OR MAKE ACTS OF PARLIAMENT.
BUT PERHAPS YOU COULD NOT PAY FOR YOUR PERCH IN THE HOUSE OF LORDS EH?

ON THE PEERAGES FOR A PRICE?

AH! PESTILENCE.

HAVE ANOTHER PESTLE AND WHAT IS THAT THING CALLED THAT GOES WITH IT CALLED, AND POUND SOME PESTO SAUCE.

MAYBE THAT WON'T BE SO PIKKA AFTER ALL?

BUT DO BOTHER TO TELL US HOW THE BRITISH PREMIER HAS SO MANY SOUTH OF ITALY HOLIDAYS THAT HE CAN'T ACTUALLY PAY OUT OF HIS OWN POCKETS OR PAYPACKETS?

WHICH IS WHY POLITICS IS CALLED:

PORK BARREL.

AND THEY ARE FOREVER SCRAPING THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, ARE THE POLITICIANS.
*********

If there is anyone out there who does not believe you can put a rubber band round a doughnut, you ain't dealt with the tough nuts out here who make their dough as politicians.



THEY ARE SUCH 'LUBBERBANDS' THAT YOU CAN STRETCH THEM OUT OF SHAPE AND THEY REMAIN AS OUT OF SHAPE AS EVER!



YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH A SPHERE?



THEN YOU AIN'T BEEN THE SPHERE OF POLITICS.



NOT ONLY DO THEIR PUSH THROUGH THEIR POSTS BUT GET THE PRESIDENT TO SIGN IT ON THE DOT ON THE AMDANI BILL.

AND AS IF THAT WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH THEY ARE GOING TO GIVE THEMSELVES ANOTHER PAY HIKE.



AND OFCOURSE MUSSOLINI KA SEPOY KA BETI WHO DID RUN OFF WITH THE LEGEND OF LORD RAMA, AND LORD BUDDHA TAKE TWO, DID NOT ACTUALLY LET THE MAIDA THAT IS THE SELF-RAISING FLOUR THAT IS THE DOUGH CALLED MEDIA, WRITE A WORD ABOUT HOW MANY POSTS SHE HAS HAD TO QUIT.

WHILE POOR NATWAR SINGH WHO ONLY DID ERRAND WORK FOR HER GOT ALL THE ERRIGEDDA.



AND YES?



IF THAT IS NOT EUROCENTRICKS UPTO THE SAME OLE PICKLING TRICKS FROM PATHAK'S PICKLES TO PATHAK'S PICKLED WICKEDian PAPERS what is it?



SURELY NOT MANMOHANOMICS?

OR THE ANTIQUATED ANTICS OF A MOUSE IN A MOUSETRAP?



MAKING A MOUE LIKE P V NARSIMHA RAO?



NOT AT ALL.



SO TELANGANA MANTHRIS ARE GOING TO WALK OUT ITALIAN'S SHOE SLIPS AND YES SHE HASN'T A SLIP TO SHOW HOW FREUDIAN THAT IS THAT SHE CANNOT EVEN SAY A WORD AFTER STRIKING A DEAL WITH A ONE AGENDA PARTY!



SO THE BEGINNING OF THE END BEGINS NOW!

IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS ZEN, NOW YOU GOT ANOTHER BUTT COMING!